Change is coming

change-roadsignIt’s been a least a couple of weeks since I have posted anything. I actually have a few articles in the works but since I’m having such a hard time getting them finished I thought I should at least stop by to say “hi”.

Today is my 45th day of sobriety. I don’t think there is anything magical about that particular number but today does seem pretty magical. In fact, I’ve had quite a few magical days over the past month and a half. Not all have been great but there have certainly been more good days than bad… and I’ve been busy. I can’t say that I feel like I’ve accomplished a whole lot but I’ve been living life to a fuller extent of “living life the to fullest” than I did when I was drinking. That alone seems pretty amazing to me. What is really amazing are the doors which have opened up before me. Over the next 45 days or so my life will take me places I’ve only dreamed about…

Venus de Mars & All The Pretty Horses Tour supporting Against Me!

  • August 6, 2014    The Aquarium                        Fargo, ND
  • August 7, 2014    Bourbon Theatre                     Lincoln, NE
  • August 8, 2014    Black Sheep                         Colorado Springs, CO
  • August 9, 2014    AGGIE THEATRE                       Fort Collins, CO
  • August 11, 2014   Knitting Factory Concert House      Boise, ID
  • August 12, 2014   Knitting Factory Concert House      Spokane, WA
  • August 14, 2014   Wow Hall                            Eugene, OR
  • August 15, 2014   Ace of Spades                       Sacramento, CA
  • August 16, 2014   The Phoenix Theater                 Petaluma, CA
  • August 17, 2014   Slo Brew                            San Luis Obispo, CA
  • August 19, 2014   The Catalyst                        Santa Cruz, CA
  • August 20, 2014   Strummer's                          Fresno, CA
  • August 22, 2014   Brooklyn Bowl Las Vegas             Las Vegas, NV

 

From Las Vegas I will be heading to Black Rock City in the Nevada desert for Burning Man with Hammer and Cyclery. Following that I will be at Harmony Park near Geneva, MN for Shangri-la.

Hopefully I can get at least one of these articles posted before I leave. I’m sure that I’ll be making some updates from the road during the tour so keep in touch.

Advertisements

Peace, pussy, pride and harmony

Rock For Pussy 2014

Rebel Rebel: Rock For Pussy

The Fourth of July, Independance Day, will be my one month anniversary of sobriety. So far, it’s been quite an adventure. I feel like I may have picked the hardest month of the year to try and get sober but that should come as no surprise. I’ve never been one for doing things the easy way.  I don’t know if that’s part of the alcoholic mind set or not but it’s certainly my nature. I’m an extreme person. The things that are the most difficult are the things I find most rewarding. The truth is, quitting drinking is not difficult. All I have to do is not drink. It’s just that drinking is so easy. As an alcoholic, drinking is what is in my nature. Embracing sobriety means going against my nature. That is why this is a big deal. That is why getting sober is difficult. What I am attempting to do is to evolve. In a sense, I’m trying to become a different species. I’m trying to overcome my human nature.

The irony is that I wouldn’t even be attempting this without a great deal of arrogance and self-confidence yet if I am to succeed it will only be through humility. I like to think of myself as a peaceful person but I’m probably more of a fighter than I would like to admit. I think that is part of the human condition.  Alcoholism is part of my human condition. I won’t be able to overcome it by fighting. This will require a peaceful solution. This will require a spiritual solution. Many struggle with recovery over the spiritual aspect of the program but in truth the struggle is human, not spiritual. We are not human beings seeking a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience. We think of ourselves as our bodies and our minds. We imagine that our bodies have a soul. It would probably be more accurate to say that we are our soul and we have a body. The soul is pure energy. The soul is peaceful. The soul is in perfect harmony. Sobriety is simply a matter of surrendering to my true spiritual self.

Pride 35W Bridge

The 35W Bridge lit up for Pride

Ah but fuck that.  I will find that spiritual perfection and I will be free from the human condition once I die. Since I feel like I’ve taken suicide off the table, I’m left with no choice but to make the most of this life. I’m kind of enjoying this human experience. I like the journey. It’s fascinating and bizarre. If i’m going to get sober I”m going to do it the human way. I’m going to work at it.

I can’t yet say that quitting drinking is the best decision I’ve ever made but so far it seems to be a pretty good one. Life is not perfect so it’s important to keep things in perspective. Sobriety seems to be about 80% good and 20% sucky. I know that for some people that would still be unacceptable but for me anything above 50% is worth doing. Plus, it’s nice to have room for improvement. My drinking life was probably at 70/30 but I feel like that was about as good as it was going to get it. The highs might not be as high now and the lows not as low, but that could just be because I’m being more cautious.  I have a feeling that as I get more comfortable with sobriety the extremes will reemerge.

Project Earth at Harmony Park

Project Earth at Harmony Park

That said, it has still been a pretty exciting month. June is one of my favorite months of the year. This is the month that my band,  All The Pretty Horses, play “Rebel Rebel: Rock For Pussy”, the annual David Bowie tribute show to benefit no-kill animal shelters. It is also the month of Project Earth, a charitable music festival held at Harmony Park near Geneva, Minnesota and the annual Twin Cities Pride Festival in Loring Park, Minneapolis. These are three of my favorite events. They are also three events closely linked to drunken debauchery. Without going into too much detail I think it would be safe to say that I got a lot of practice saying, “no thank you”.

Even my dreams were filled with opportunities to say no. For the first three weeks of sobriety, night after night, I would have anxiety filled dreams of being offered alcohol. Then one night I totally forgot that I wasn’t drinking and had a PBR and a whiskey. The disappointment I felt was overwhelming but I resolved to carry on with my quest for sobriety. Then I woke up and realized it was just a dream. I haven’t had a drinking dream since. I know that there is a moral in there somewhere.

%d bloggers like this: