Get Real

Okay. This is where this blog takes form. It would be really fucking boring if I only wrote about my good days. Yesterday was awesome. Well, it was up until my last post which I wrote at the Bad Waitress, a cafe restaurant where my best friend works. They have wi-fi, really good food and beer. I expect many posts will be written from there. Oh, and when I checked in there I became mayor on Foursquare! So yeah, really good day up until that point. My BFF even bought me a beer so totally fucking kick ass!

Except it’s Minneapolis and fucking cold as hell and nothing stays kick-ass for long. My BFF got off work while I was there so I offered to drive her home. I don’t drive often and love to help out a friend when I can. Did I mention it was fucking cold as hell out? Driving is no big deal, right? If you keep reading this blog you will learn about my philosophy on helping and how I think it’s easy and makes the world a better place and that if you are a selfish mother fucker like me you should do it every chance you get.

Turns out my BFF needs cat food too. She doesn’t drive so we have a great opportunity for her to make use of my generosity and have me drive out to Chuck and Don’s in St. Louis Park. All went well for a total of about 10 blocks. Then we ran into a power outage. Not my van. It is thankfully running just fine. No, the goddamn city was in the black. I really have no idea what caused it. I’m sure I will find out. I figure it has something to do with the weather. It dropped 800 degrees in one day. But yeah, a huge swath of the city was without power. No street lights, no stop lights, backed up traffic and no power at the pet store. We spent an hour driving in the dark to accomplish nothing.

Well, once we got back to civilization we did stop by the liquor store and my BFF stocked up on beer so I guess I made some use of the drive. And after all that I figured it would be appropriate to stop in for a quick one. So for the record, this paragraph goes in the good column.

[Got coffee so hopefully I can keep writing]

So now I’m running late for rehearsal. My band leader is always running late so that probably means I’m right on time. Which I am. I get to the studio and Venus is unloading her car. Perfect timing. A good quality in a bass player I say. We get in and get everything set up but still no drummer. We were actually suppose to rehearse the day before but our drummer had apparently got assaulted and slipped on the ice and broke his rib and couldn’t make it. I don’t know exactly what happened. I’m hearing it second hand but I think he should have a blog. Sounds like his life is way more exciting than mine. Anyway, he’s in pain and totally spaced that we are rehearsing. Venus tells him to skip it and we rehearse without him. We are the ones who need it anyway. I don’t understand it. Our drummer always seems to do fine but I suck if I don’t rehearse. Venus sucks without rehearsal. The drummer has just got it but he has other issues. Just saying.

I kind of like rehearsing without a drummer. I wouldn’t say I prefer it. I really prefer having a drummer. Drums are important but there are benefits to not having him there. For starters, I can hear myself. Drums are fucking loud! With a drummer you have to turn up so loud that it’s hard to hear anything. Okay, that is the only benefit. Other that being able to play at a lower volume and hear myself it really sucked not having him there. But rehearsal went fine and we got a kick-ass set put together for our show in Scottsdale, AZ. I guess our studio party on Saturday will be our full band live rehearsal. Damn I’m glad we are professionals. Don’t know how we pull this shit off.

So yesterday was a long day. The kind of day that does me in. The kind of day that doesn’t end. And it didn’t. It kept going. Oh yeah, there is more excitement to come. I left rehearsal wanting nothing more that to get home, have a beer and curl up in my nice warm bed with my kitty cat. Well, that’s not what happened. I get in my van and drive home. I’m listening to Minnesota Public Radio as I often do. I’m a sustaining member. I’m listening to As It Happens and they have a story about this guy, Aiman Youssef of Staton Island, NY who lost everything in Super Storm Sandy. Now he has a tent set up in front of what used to be his house and has spent every day since the storm helping his neighbors. It choked me up. It’s sad, but the best of humanity seems to come out of the worst of situations.

So I’m driving, I’m emotionally engaged, I’m tired and basically on auto-pilot. I pull up to a stop sign before making a left-hand turn not noticing the cop car I just cut off until the lights start flashing in my rear-view mirror. I pull over wondering, “What the fuck did I do?”. And I bet you are wondering, “OMG, how drunk is he?”. Nope, two beers at the restaurant, one at my friends, all many hours ago – I’m sober, just tired and distracted. I take drinking and driving very seriously. I lost an eye that way when I was 21. I consider myself lucky. It’s nothing to fuck around with. I got lucky this time too. The cop just ran my license and let me go after I apologized profusely. I’ve actually had really good experiences with the Minneapolis Police department. Probably helps that I’m a white guy but who knows? Maybe it’s the mini-van with LEFREAK plates.

I get home and it’s time for a beer. Well, a beer and a whiskey. I’ve discovered that I can drink cheap beer if it’s coupled with cheap whiskey. I crawl into bed. It’s been a good day. I watch the Daily Show, make a post on Facebook, comment on a friends post and I’m ready to be done. But no, my friend realizing I’m awake sends me a text, “Can I call u?”. I respond, “No” because I’m a dick like that. Then I called her. We talk from 2am until 4am. I had more beers and more whiskey. I don’t remember everything we talked about but I do remember telling her about how she hurt me years back when we first met. We bonded instantly. I guess it’s one of those things that happens when a real, genuine, honest person meets one of their own. And there was attraction. There was chemistry. To put it bluntly, I wanted to bang her. I wanted to be her friend and I wanted to have sex with her and I even considered being her boyfriend. But that’s not me and she knew it and she moved on leaving me in the dust. Yeah, it was the right thing to do. It was the right thing for her and the time and it was probably the right thing for me but it still hurt. In this life you don’t meet that many people with whom who can really connect on that level and they are not to be taken for granted. But hey, she’s back in my life and all is good. In fact I just got a call from her reminding me that I agreed to meet her and that she has chowder for me. Awesome! I have no food so this is really good.

But my big fuck up of the day was over-sleeping. I left my phone downstairs so I didn’t wake up when Home Service Plus called at 7:44am. They were coming out to fix my washing machine which is leaking and my stove which won’t light. Yup, totally missed that. I’ve been dealing with these problems for a while because I just can’t get my shit together to remedy them. Guess I’m going to be dealing with them a little while longer. It’s all about time. Time fucking fascinates me.

And now it’s time for me to go get me some chowder!

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A Big Day

I guess any day you start something new is a big day. I’ve actually been dreaming of this day for many years and to be honest it is nothing like I dreamed. My dream was much bigger. My dream was much more involved. But every dream begins with a single step and I’m excited to see where this simple little step may lead. Considering how many days I’ve struggle to accomplish anything, considering how many days have gone by when I didn’t take this step, I am proud of myself for finally doing so.

While not nearly as noteworthy as starting a new project there is still more to this day to report. Today is Wednesday and that means the day my work week begins and ends. Okay, I do many other things throughout the week but this is the one “normal” job I have. On Wednesdays I deliver City Pages, a weekly news and entertainment newspaper. I love this job. I’ve been doing it for nearly 7 years now which makes it the longest job I’ve ever held.

Granted, it’s only one day a week, but still, that’s something. It’s a very solitary job. I spend most of my time driving from stop to stop listening to the radio, lost in my thoughts. The 80 times a day when I do stop to deliver papers are brief shots of human joy; exchanging smiles, kind gestures of door holding, pleasant expressions of “How’s it going?” and “Have a nice day!” And on top of that, I get paid! Having five Wednesdays in January was certainly appreciated after draining my bank account yesterday to get my brakes repaired.

Ah yes, and then a trip to the pet store. I was totally out of cat food and litter. I sure hope Didit likes the cat food I got her. I usually get Orijen cat food but since they had a fire at their plant a while back finding it on the shelf has been very hit or miss. The new stuff is from Wisconsin, so if she likes it, I will probably stick with that. Nothing against Canada but I like to buy local and Wisconsin is modestly closer.

Probably the best part of my day is yet to come. Tonight begins rehearsal with the band for our upcoming show in Arizona. We haven’t played together in over a month so I’m super excited to turn it up to 11!

Life Sucks! – my introduction

Life Sucks!

If you don’t think so you haven’t been paying attention. Or you are a fucking idiot. Both of which I think kind of suck! Everyone I know is either suffering or six-feet under. That sucks too! People have shitty jobs, shitty living situation, shitty love lives. And those are the lucky ones. There are plenty of people who are unemployed, homeless and lonely. People deal with addictions, eating disorders, mental illnesses and physical disabilities. We have racism, sexism, homophobia, xenophobia, class-ism and every other motherfucking stupid judgmental bullshit you can imagine. Even those who seem to have everything going their way can get struck with cancer, violent crime, natural disaster or the loss of a child. And our government sucks! They can’t seem to get anything done. Our infrastructural sucks, our healthcare system sucks, our education system sucks! We all suffer from tax laws we don’t like, from spending on things we don’t want, from laws that don’t help us and impede our personal freedom. And the free-market is anything but free. Blame Government, blame Corporations, blame God. Anyway you look at it, it just fucking sucks!!!

So What!

I’m not saying don’t do anything about it. Hell, I’m an activist. I devote my life to working on making the changes I want to see it the world. But change takes time. So I guess what I am saying is, so what the fuck do we do now? Right here, in the moment, with the shitty life that we have been given. What do we do to make make it worth living today? For starters I would say that we recognize that as shitty are our life may seem that there is someone who’s life if a hell of a lot worse. Maybe a little gratitude would be in order. Eh, fuck that! They probably did it to themselves anyway. They probably didn’t work hard enough or didn’t follow the rules or are just aren’t as fucking good as you. You’re pissed off at the people who have it better than you that you don’t think are any better than you. Those assholes who are fucking with your life, making it suck so bad. Yeah! I hear ya. Well ya know what? They probably have someone fucking with their life too… so the question remains… what are you going to do with your own life? And as far as this blog goes, the question is what am I going to do with my life? My plan is to live it as honestly and genuinely as possible. To live with causing as little harm as possible. And to have as much fucking fun as possible!!! If I can actually do a little good… yeah, well that would totally kick ass!

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