Pee Pee Dance

I just peed in my bath tub.

Sorry, had to get that off my chest. Well… actually out of my bladder. Hey, if this is going to be a “tell all” blog I’ve got to tell you that because it was pretty dramatic. Probably the most intense experience I’ve had all day.

Also, I’ve been drinking a lot of coffee today. Those two confessions are are probably related.

I just got home from seeing my friend. I probably should have peed before leaving but I had already used her bathroom four times in under five hours. I was afraid she might think I was pregnant. So I just held it.

On the way home I remembered that I ran out of whiskey. If I’m going to stay up all night writing I’m going to need whiskey. So I stopped by the liquor store on my way home. Of course it’s “OMG it’s almost 10 o’clock and the liquor store is about to close” rush hour. There I am, standing in line, doing the pee pee dance with my 1.75 liter bottle of Black Velvet Canadian Whiskey. I’m sure I look really classy. Not that anyone cares. There are advantages to living in the ghetto.

I get back in my van to drive home. Let me tell you, doing the pee pee dance while driving is total insanity. Luckily it was less that a mile home. Any further and I would have pissed my pants. Seriously, ten-feet-further and I would have pissed my pants.

I didn’t even bother to grab my packpack or the bottle from the van. I just grabbed my keys in one hand and my dick in the other; squeezing tight to prevent the flow of urine that was begging to be set free. When I got to my bathroom I had no time left. If my pants didn’t have a zipper I would have been done for. A button fly would have been a total disaster. I didn’t even have time to kick up the seat on the toilet. It was the sink or the bathtub. At this point I was also concerned about my accuracy. The bathtub provided a bigger target so the bathtub it was.

Yup, I just peed in my bathtub… like you’ve never done it!

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About lefreakshow
A walking contradiction attempting to make sense of this crazy world though the power of creation, exploration and communication.

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