I know some shit you don’t know

If I’m not writing, which has been more the case than not lately, I am living. That is not so say that writing is not living, for it most certainly is, only to say that there is much more going on when you don’t hear from me than when you do. If you have read all of this blog, you may have realized that it is not really a blog about what I do, but a blog about who I am, or really who we are. It is a blog about philosophy and spirituality. In essence, it can’t be about anything else.

So here is one day in my life. This day was in many ways special. This day was a culmination of everything which I have ever experienced. It is also a depiction of everything that I have never experienced. In that way it is completely ordinary.

I want to start by telling you about meeting a group of young Christians on the street. I was driving pedicab and I drove over to make contact with this group of people. That is my job. At least that is the way I see it. I seek to make connections with people downtown in hopes that I can help them. I want to help them have a good time, help them get where they are going, help them in any way possible. In return, I hope that they will help me, usually with money.

Their initial question for me was, “What is your favorite thing to do downtown?”

Okay, I’m an adult. These people were college students. What I would find interesting may not even be available to them. I like going to bars and meeting people. Still, I told them about what I liked to do.

This was actually a very poor response. Not only did it not help them, it was an inaccurate representation of what I had to offer. But that is because the question was not genuine. It was merely a ploy to engage me in conversation. It was, for lack of a better term, a “come on” line. You can’t expect an honest answer from me without first asking an honest question.

The next question was a request to participate in a questionnaire. I agreed because I rarely reject requests. Like “The Dude” from The Big Lebowski, I just abide. It didn’t take me long to realize that it wasn’t really a scientific questionnaire but an attempt to proselytize.

This is my problem with religion. It’s also my problem with advertisement, or sex for that matter. It’s not that there is anything wrong with religion or sex or the products people have to sell, but if you have to use means of deception to get your intentions met, I think that is fucked up. If joining your religion or having sex with you or buying your product is all that great, you wouldn’t need to lie.

Still, I was intrigued by their questions so I figured I would play along. The questions were interesting and did have me thinking all day. By that I mean that the answers that I gave in the moment may not be the answers I would give now.

One of the questions was, “What is the one thing that you hope to accomplish in this life?”

I said, “Not dying.”

I stand by that answer. It’s not that I am seeking immortality, only that while I am alive, staying alive is my ultimate goal. Everything else that happens along the way is incidental. It may be amazing, it may be horrible, but none of it happens without being alive. Being alive has got to be my first goal.

They also asked what I thought would happen when I die. I said, “I don’t know. I’ll deal with that when I’m dead. I’m not dead now and I’m pretty fucking busy being not dead.”

I’ll stand by that response too.

Then they asked, “If your best friend came to you and said that they wanted to become a Christian but they didn’t know how, what would you tell him?” (I love how they assume my best friend is male.)

I told them, “I would tell her to talk to a Christian.”

That was a complete bullshit answer. I should have told them to, “fuck off, you fucking fucks!”

Of course, I would never actually want to do that. That would be mean and I try really hard not to be mean. Still their question was totally disingenuous and deserved a more harsh and honest answer. I mean really, this is America, who the fuck does not know how to become a Christian? But what should I have expected. Their whole presentation began with decept. Did I really owe them an honest answer? Didn’t I give them enough of my time? I was working after all. What were they giving me?

Actually, they gave me plenty. Even through their deceit and manipulation they gave me insight into the workings of the human race. Every interaction with every person has something to teach me. I actually wish that I had given them more.

They also asked if I wanted to know God. I said that God and I were pretty tight. I wish that I had told them that God says s/he doesn’t appreciate people lying to get h/ir word out. Maybe I have a different god than they do but my god believes in honesty and integrity.

So I went to a party after work and it came out that I’m not actually Jewish. It’s not really a secret but the whole “coming out” process is not a, tell someone once and it’s done, sort of process. It’s an ongoing, never ending process. The truth is that I am as much Jewish as I am anything else, which is nothing, which I perceive as everything, which includes atheist .. so accept me or argue with me or try to convert me… none of it really matters because I am still me. The only way to fight me is to deny that I exist. So far in my life no one has ever successfully done that, but I welcome the challenge.

The real question emerged which was how I went from Judaism to Paganism. The fact is that the more I learn, the less dogmatic I become. The truth is that Paganism is still way too dogmatic for me. This led me to Hinduism and Buddhism which really brought me back to Christ – not Christianity as in the  Church but the dude himself. In essence, all these paths are the same. They all teach the same lessons. Where they differ is in dogma and ritual.

The key to my spiritual journey was never getting caught up in the dogma. The key was never believing that ritual held the answers. The key was continuing to ask questions and keeping doubt alive. This is the key which atheists possess although I doubt that they realize the spiritual power contained within that practice.

If there is a spiritual truth it can’t be dependant on faith. It must be found in doubt as well. If it is truly omnipresent, it must be that which can be found everywhere. If God exists, s/he exists regardless of whether anyone believes in h/ir or not. The gifts bestowed upon the faithful would be just as available to the faithless. If there is a God of everything then belief is irrelevant to God’s existence and intention.

I used to think that I knew everything. In a way, I did. I knew everything that I knew I knew and it all made sense and I was content with the world. Then I learned something new and my whole paradigm shifted. The world was no longer in balance. But I learned more. Eventually I got the world back in balance. Everything made sense again. Until I learned something new. This has happened countless times in my life.

Socrates is known for saying, “The only thing I know is that I don’t know anything.”

Rene Descartes is known for stating that the only thing he knows is, “I think therefore I am.”

While these two men accomplished far more to elevate their words than a mere paperboy or pedicab driver may ever achieve, perhaps even more than a rockstar may achieve, they both lived before the power of the internet so when I say what I am about to say, and I will say it over and over again, who knows what will happen with my words.

All that I know is that whatever I know, there is far more that I don’t know.

These are words I live by. They also come in handy with dealing with people that are way smarter that I am. For all that they know, there are things that I know that they don’t. This is true for everyone I meet. The dumbest person I meet knows something I don’t know. Everyone matters. Everyone holds a part of the key.

Nothing that has ever happened in your lifetime happened without you being here. YOU MATTER!

There was more that happened yesterday.

There is more that I want to write about but I think that I have made the main point I wish to accomplish. I will make one more post today if you need more philosophical thought. Otherwise, keep reading… it will all come out eventually… perhaps even if I die.

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About lefreakshow
A walking contradiction attempting to make sense of this crazy world though the power of creation, exploration and communication.

5 Responses to I know some shit you don’t know

  1. 1bukowski says:

    You are a fabulous writer.
    I follow Christ, but I’m not a fan of religion for a lot of reasons, one of them being what you experienced. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, some Christians give Christianity a bad name. Christ’s disciples were given the job of spreading God’s word. They wrote letters and spoke to large groups of people. They stated truths. They did not spin a web to try to catch people. God wants sincerity. He wants people to come to him through sincere means. I talk like I know what God wants, which isn’t entirely true because I’m not God. But I know what he has taught me. I know that it is better to be an example of Christ than to offend other people in the way those students offended you. Everyone I have known who subscribes to some kind of ism, be it atheism, Judaism, or any other, has a specific disdain for Christianity … or rather, Christians. This saddens me. Christianity is not about religion, although so many Christians make it so. It’s about a relationship. And faith has a huge part in that. You are a realist, you believe in what you can see and touch. But keep in mind, that not everything you see is real, and not everything you don’t see is not real. Your experiences are different from mine, so there is so much more that you know than what I know. But the same is true the other way around. If we were Vulcan, we could mind-meld, and we could see and feel exactly what the other person has experienced. But we can’t. So we have to take what we learn from each other on faith. Wow, this is long. Sorry to ramble, but I’m a little manic so I’m putting it all out there. I could go on, but that would be overkill. I’m sure I hit that level 12 sentences ago.
    Anyway, good post.

    • lefreakshow says:

      Thank you. I was actually thinking of you as I wrote some of this post. Over the years I have met many people that identify as Christian whom I really respect. We connect because they follow the examples set forth by Jesus Christ, not the rules set forth by the Christian Church. Unfortunately, there is a difference. I follow my own free will. Remarkably, that free will has lead me down a path quite similar to that of people who follow the examples of Christ. You know, be kind, love everyone, don’t judge… shit like that.

      Not everyone’s free will is going to lead them down that path. That is okay. I believe there is a reason why people are different. I think that a stable society requires a variety of types of people. I believe that we need people who need to follow rules.We probably need a whole lot of those types of people. Rules give us stability and we need stability to survive.

      But there is more to life than survival. There is also growth, change and advancement. To do these things we need to think beyond what the rules have proscribed. We need the rule breakers if we are going to evolve as a species. I’m sure that this is a very scary concept for the people who need rules. This is probably why a lot of the people who have done the most to advance society wind up getting killed. Still, every advancement we as a species have ever made was done by people who did what they felt, not what they were told.

      To follow your instincts most certainly requires faith. It requires faith in yourself. If you accept that you were created by God, by the divine, then it seems like it would be pretty easy to have faith in yourself. If this is what people get from a belief in God, then I am all for it.

      • 1bukowski says:

        You may not realize it, or maybe you do, but that third paragraph describes Jesus to a tee. He broke the Old Testament rules. He said they didn’t apply anymore because He came to change everything. The one rule he commanded was to love others as we love ourselves. Because he knew the rest would fall into place. He was hated for the upheaval he caused, and he was killed because of it. Ironically, his dying freed us all. I find it interesting that so many people blame the Jews for Jesus’ death. If they hadn’t convinced the Romans to kill Him, then Jesus would not have fulfilled his purpose. He asked God as he hung there dying to forgive the Jews because they didn’t know what they were doing. I wonder, if they did know, would they still have done it? I mean, they indirectly saved the entire human race from self destruction, if you think about it. Racism doesn’t make a lick of sense, but more than that I don’t get the whole antisemitism thing. Some people turn a blind eye to what they should be thankful for … ultimately that being Jesus but also that he was given the opportunity to allow himself to be sacrificed. The events that God set into motion … I still have trouble wrapping my brain around it all. But that is an area I put my faith in so I don’t have to think about it too much. In the words of the oracle, it “bakes my noodle.”

        I get from God a unique sense of purpose and a knowledge that I am being taken care of. My faith is in Him. I have to remind myself of that regularly.

  2. 1bukowski says:

    Oh, and thanks for thinking of me. I am glad that I give you a positive view of the Christian faith.

  3. Pingback: Burning the candle at both ends | Life Sucks, So What?!?

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