How are you doing?

As I rode my bike to therapy yesterday I pondered the question that I know would be awaiting me.

“So, how are you doing?”

To be honest, I had no idea. I wasn’t happy but I wasn’t looking to kill myself either. I felt like I was making progress but I was still no where near where I wanted to be. I’d been concerned with how much I’ve been drinking but I’ve actually been drinking less that I had expected; with a couple notable exceptions.

So I’m somewhere in the middle. Things aren’t fantastic but they aren’t completely falling apart either.

Should I be feel grateful about that or disappointed that things aren’t better?

My first clue is the word “should”. I’ve always had a problem with that word. The fact is it doesn’t matter how I feel. I can feel either way or both. I can feel however I feel. I can be grateful for the things that are working and disappointed in the things that I wish were different. My feeling don’t change anything. The situation is still the same.

So I decided that the situation is exactly as it’s meant to be. Some things work and some things have room for improvement. But hey, that’s life! In that moment I just decided to be okay with it.

After my appointment I decided to go for a little bike ride. I didn’t really have a choice. I was over ten miles from miles from my house but I wasn’t really in a hurry to get home. I just wanted to ride around for a while.

I wound up stopping in at the 331 Club in NE Minneapolis for happy hour. I realized that I hadn’t been to a bar just to commune with people all month. This is actually a really important part of my life. I haven’t missed it which is probably good. I don’t need to be hanging out in bars everyday but in moderation, there is a reason for me to hang out in bars.

I met these two computer programmers. I want to go on record as saying computer programmers are highly under appreciated. Okay, I think most people are under appreciated but a computer programmer’s job is to not be noticed. Most of the world these days runs on software but the only time we even think about it when it doesn’t work. A software developer’s job is to create something that we can take for granted. Fuck, I’m glad I got out of that field!

I also talked to a guy who is trying to create a better battery than anything currently in existence. Yup… that’s what I do at the bar.

After that I went and hung out with a friend who had just gone through a couple of rough days. I couldn’t fix anything but I still think I made things better.

So how was your day?

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About lefreakshow
A walking contradiction attempting to make sense of this crazy world though the power of creation, exploration and communication.

2 Responses to How are you doing?

  1. Yeah, sometimes situations don’t change but we can…we can change our mind or our feelings about any situation and that’s all we can do. But the situation just IS, we are the one’s who decide what the situation MEANS. Everything just IS and we give our personal meaning to everything…therefore, we make our lives what they are by how we see things. That’s all there is. Attitude is reality. Totally. We can’t change what happens but we can choose how we feel about the things that happen. It’s all about our choices. Good luck. I don’t know if the world will every actually make sense. If it does, it will be a personal discovery, that’s for sure:) I mean, we hunt and kill each other and destroy the only place we can possibly live and knowing that…we continue to do it. How can that make sense? I’ve regressed people, by the way, and that works wonders. Problems can go away and never come back. It’s a great thing. You may have to do it for each problem but once you find out why something is happening it just disappears. Pretty cool.

  2. lefreakshow says:

    I like that attitude. I often wonder whether there is meaning in things or if we create meaning but I guess in the end it matters less about why and more that there can be if we so choose.

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