Work with what you’ve got

My whole life I have struggled to find my purpose. Why am I here? What do I have to offer? What am I better at than anybody else? What makes me special?

The only thing that I have ever come up with is that I am the only “me”. I am unique. I am one of a kind. No one is a better me than me.

So then the question becomes what is it about me that makes me unique? The truth is there is nothing about me which is unique. There is nothing about me that is one of a kind except everything about me. There is no individual aspect about me which is unique but when you combine all of these redundant qualities in one person you come up with something that is truly one of a kind.

I am the only person on this planet who has intimate knowledge of everything that I know. This is what makes me special. This is what I have to work with. This is what I have to give. Being me is my purpose.

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Life is like riding a bicycle

I’m on the verge of falling apart. I can feel it in my body – the tightness in my stomach, invisible hands wrapped around my throat, the tingling in my back as if to warn me of some impending danger. Regardless of how many times my evolved brain tries to convince me that everything will be okay, no matter what happens I will be fine, my reptilian brain is on high alert.

My residual animal defence mechanisms know that winter is coming and after months of intense stress I may be too weak to survive it. My body is ready to fight for it’s life. I’m on edge, I’m anxious, I’m exhausted and depressed. One wrong move and I’m liable to bite someone’s head off.

The threats are real, the pain I feel is real but my ability to cope and adapt is more developed than my body gives credit. The greatest battle being waged is within myself. The greatest threat to my survival is me. In an internal struggle for power the best chance of survival is balance. Like riding a bicycle, the only way to stay balanced is to keep moving… or stop and put your foot down.

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