This normal life is killing me

I’ve spent the entire day at home and I think that I have completely lost my shit and started screaming and swearing at thin air more times today than I have in the past year. Okay, maybe not in the past year combined, but more times in one day than I have in the past year. This domestic shit is just not for me anymore. There are way too many things to do when I am at home and I try to do them all at once which leads to one disaster after another.

Today I have managed to do laundry, wash dishes, mow and weed-whack my lawn, clean various things around the house, practice bass for the upcoming benefit show as well as my own songs just because I could. I also spent a substantial amount of time just hanging out with my 14 year old daughter. By the time I was done cooking and serving her dinner it was 6:30 and I was wiped out. I wound up taking a two hour nap.

Don’t get me wrong. I love having my daughter here and there is much about the domestic life that I really appreciate. It’s just the complete opposite of everything I am currently trying to achieve.

Still, I’m fully prepared to adapt if things were to change. There is a part of me that half expects my daughter’s mother to not return from her vacation. That is how I wound up caring for my son full time when he was her age. His mother left for Canada to visit family and never came back. I hope that is not what happens this time but the women in my life do have a tendency to try and outdo one another. It’s kind of fucked up.

In any case, I’m going to make the most of this week of semi-sortof-normalcy. If nothing else it will give me some perspective and a reminder of what I am trying to move past. I’ve been here, I’ve done it, it’s not the best situation for me so if I have the opportunity to change it I owe it to myself and everyone around me to at least try.